Malcolm O. Munro - The "Career Fitness" Coach

Dealing with a Wimpy Boss

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What do you do with the boss who won't use their authority to actually be the boss?  What if you work with someone who delegates the tough tasks for someone else to do?  How do you handle the boss who refuses to take charge?

I'm going to suggest seizing control if the boss won't choose to exercise it!

Now before I blast this week's bad boss, let me suggest that in some ways, this behavior can be explained.  Many people think the path to organizational success is to work your way to the top.  In fact, being at the top is a sometimes daunting place to be.  Nobody can prepare you for the hassles and stress that await you.  In the face of that stress, the new boss may turn back to old habits, behaviors, and even tasks that they held before the promotion.  And confronting problems?  They either go completely over the top or they shrink away. 

You have no control over how your boss makes this transition.

Here's what you can do:

1. Start asserting yourself!  If you've always wanted to try something new or do something a different way, this is your chance.  Get your act together, build the process, and put it into practice.
2. Take charge of your immediate area.  You don't need positional authority to be a leader.  I know you probably don't agree, but keep in mind leadership doesn't need a title to happen.  Management does.  Start thinking strategically and voice your thoughts.  Demonstrate you know how to add value and get busy doing it.
3. Be a good example.  If your boss demonstrates wimpiness, be the opposite and act decisively.  This is your chance to show the higher-ups you're qualified for bigger things.

There are some people who wait for opportunities to come to them.  If you have this type of wimpy boss, you have an opportunity to really demonstrate your worth.   Get busy this week building your own leadership and management skills! 

AND, if you're this type of boss, you're a complete disappointment to me.  Somebody thought enough of you to hire or promote you to that leadership role.  You better start acting in that role or find another line of work.  Leadership is a privilege.  Treat it as such!

Are you rude? Maybe you should think again

Fed up with the rude behavior you experience day in and day out? Is it aggressive driving, co-workers who don't wash their hands or smokers who use the sidewalk as their personal ashtrays?

What about the sales clerks who ignore you -- then act like they own the store when you finally get their attention?

It's time for a return to civility!  To read more from Oprah.com, click HERE!

Dealing with an Arrogant Boss

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Imagine if we still had kings like they did in the old days.  They would strut around with their big robes and crowns, compelling us to bow down as they moved through the streets.  At the sign of any criticism, they'd simply single us out for decapitation. 

Some of us unfortunately still live this way.  Arrogant bosses, the "kings" (and "queens") of our days still rule some workplace kingdoms demanding workers pay homage to their greatness.

Arrogant bosses exhibit a sense of entitlement, an incessant string of comments about how great they are, an attitude that demeans others of lower rank or position, and a focus on their needs over the needs of others.  If you're sharing a particular story with someone and they overhear it, they'll chime in with a similar story of their own.  At their least annoying, they'll simply be in your way.  At their worst, they'll inundate your day with deliberate arrogant pain. 

Here are some quick strategies on how to deal with them:

Don’t:

• Openly confront them – they would enjoy beating you down
• Try to one-up them – this is their game and they know how to play it
• Attempt to compete with them – why bother?  It’s a losing game

Do:

• Ignore them – they thrive on an audience and accolades – a silent or non-existent audience completely deflates them!

Of course the best way to deal with tyrants is to just not do it.  In this tough economy that may not be an option, but your sanity may dictate you make the move.  Whatever you do, don't become a clone of your boss.  Without a formal mentor program and development, that is always a scary potential outcome!

Dealing with Bad Bosses: The Screamer

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We're in our second week of figuring out how to deal with bad bosses.  This week's culprit is the screamer.

Screamers fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.  Why?  Their anger is an emotional response to outward stimuli.  It’s a fancy way of saying people get ticked off when actions fail to meet expectations.  According to Daniel Goleman, the “guru” of Emotional Intelligence, our brains are open systems, which, unlike our circulatory system that flows in a continuous loop, take in outside information and process it. 

What does this mean?

If you can’t manage anger, it just grows.  This is why  rage escalates.  Your only hope is to get out of the way until it subsides.  Angry people are irrational. Irrational people can’t be reasoned with. Your rational response will only put fuel on the fire. 

Don’t:

• Attempt to calm them down
• Rationalize with them
• Argue or further provoke them
• Take a swing at them

Do:

• Keep your cool
• Make a conscious effort to control your own response
• Wait for the right moment to revisit the issue when they’ve calmed down

In some ways, this boss is the most dangerous because their anger can provoke ours.  Keep in mind that positionally, they outrank you so your response will probably lead to the demise of your tenure at the company.  If screamer behavior is causing you undue stress that's affecting your personal and physical well-being, it might be time to find a new position.

If there is good news here, I think it's that screamers become caricatures and what they do to motivate simply makes them look foolish.  Still intimidating, but foolish.  They will never be seen as a leader. 

Ten guilt-free ways to say no

Have a hard time saying "NO?"  Check out this article from Real Simple for some suggestions!

Dealing with Bad Bosses: The Unpredictable Time Bomb

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There you are, busy at work when your boss appears.  He begins yelling at you in front of everyone about your missed deadline.  His insults then turn personal.  You feel your blood pressure rising and muscles tightening.  As he moves into your personal space, you smell his bad breath and cheap aftershave.  He then grins and he hurls one last insult.  That’s all it takes – you shove him down and proceed to kick his head in like a watermelon, the cheers of your coworkers rising in the background.

Well that’s what you wanted to do anyway wasn’t it?  Most likely you slinked back to your cube, head down with your tail between your legs. 

This week the mailbag was full of questions on how to deal with bad bosses.  For the next several weeks, I'm going to answer them and give you some suggestions on how to deal with your bad boss.  This week's question comes from Carrie F. from Bowie, MD.

Dear Coach,
My boss is evil.  I never know what he's up to until he blows up at me.  Then he slinks back to his office like nothing's happened.  We can't stand his unpredictability.  None of us knows what he'll do next but we all feel very uncomfortable.

Carrie, I call bosses like yours the Unpredictable Time Bomb.

The scariest thing about these tyrants is their unpredictability. It’s like the sudden air pocket drop you experience on a calm airline flight.  Worse, they can shift mood right before your eyes after drawing you into their comfort zone, dropping the hammer on you when you least expect it.  The Time Bomb also exhibits a talent for hitting your with rage and insults while smiling.  I once worked for a boss who smiled all the time.  The only way you knew he was about to explode was when his face turned red and he began to rapidly grind his front teeth, all while still smiling.  He reminded me a little of the rather disturbing Burger King King. 

To deal with the Time Bomb, you’ll have to carefully study them.

Don’t:

• Turn your back on them – always be wary

• Be taken in by their sometimes charming behavior

Do:

• Respond to everything they say and do to you with caution

• Observe their behavior – watch for things that seem to trigger them

• See if patterns develop – are you doing something unconsciously that sets them off?

Remember, even in tough economic times, it's sometimes better to quit your boss than to put up with unhealthy behavior.  Use your HR Department if need be.  At the end of this series, I'll give you some very clear steps to take when trying to handle ALL bad bosses.

When this recession or whatever it's called is over, people will be leaving their companies in droves.  It's happened after every economic downturn and will happen again.  The bad bosses will get theirs and then some. 

Choose Your Attitude, Define Your Environment

Have you ever had a job you hated?  I'm sure you have.  If so, I'm also sure you had to put on a "face" each day in order to survive.

That "face" you have to put on is really a simple term for a great attitude.  It's making the choice to make the very best of a bad situation.

Yesterday, I went to the local grocery store to pick up some hamburger buns.  The cashier was so friendly and upbeat that I saw nearly every one of the grim faced customers ahead of me in line perk up and leave with a big smile.  It was amazing to see and experience the energy that her positive attitude had on everyone.

Contrast that with another of the cashiers in the same store.  Several weeks ago I went through his line and asked him how he was doing. 

"Bad," he replied.  "I'm so depressed that I can't even function."

Wow," I said.  "Is it REALLY that bad?"

"I'm so miserable here that there is nothing on this planet that can make things better."

It was kind of disturbing and somewhat frightening.  I could have been speaking to that Disney character Eyore.  I have no clue what was going on in that man's head or in his life, but for that day it even depressed me.  He's still there (I saw him yesterday) so hopefully he's been able to sort out what's going on.

Here's my point.  Regardless of how you feel about a situation, your attitude is your choice.  By making the conscious decision to be positive, you'll make those around you happier and start feeling better yourself.

Many years ago while serving in the Navy, I was arm-twisted into giving dental health presentations at a local elementary school in Cerritos, CA. for Children's Dental Health Week.  I was irritated, annoyed, and just plain old grumpy having to do this.  Interestingly enough though, once I made the conscious choice to be positive in front of the kids, I actually had a great time.  The kids fed off my energy and I fed off theirs.  Each class laughed, got grossed out at the nasty photos of rotten teeth I showed them, and probably left with a renewed interest in brushing their teeth.  I realized that day how much I enjoyed doing presentations and it pushed me into my current career - which I am grateful for each and every day!

So this week, regardless of the circumstance or situation, make an effort to be positive.  You can create your atmosphere and environment, positive or negative, so figure out which one you'd rather have!

Lessons in Pain from a Poison Oak Exposure

Would you like some great advice this week?  Never, under any circumstances, should you ever attempt to remove Poison Oak using a weed eater.

3 weeks ago I got a little lazy when removing some weeds under my Leyland Cypress trees.  I suspected there was some poison oak in there but it was hopelessly wrapped around my neighbor's fence.  I figured the weed eater would make my job much easier.

Everything was fine for the first three days, but then I found myself itching all over.  It never got better.  I tried all sorts of over-the-counter remedies until I finally gave up and went to the emergency room where I was given Benedryl and steroids.  Believe it or not, I'm still scratching as I'm writing this.  Just 10 minutes of exposure has produced 21 days of misery.

Fast forward to this past Wednesday.  I was co-facilitating a workshop where we used a tool called a fishbowl to allow participants to talk about hurtful events in their past.  It was a very powerful and emotional experience.  The most amazing thing was that many of the events that caused years of trauma only lasted a few minutes, some of them just an offhanded comment that took seconds to speak. 

It reminded me a little of that poison oak experience.  Short exposure and lasting pain. 

The lesson I learned is that whatever I may do and say to anyone could in fact affect them for a long time.  A careless comment or hurtful word can cause a person harm in the moment and long after.  It's a very scary thought.

Have you ever considered the power your words and actions have?  Do you make comments in the heat of the moment and say things you later regret?  If so, I'd suggest being extremely cautious when getting emotionally charged up.  Something we say might feel great at the time, but the consequences can be significant.  Who knows how many people we have unintentionally hurt that are holding anger against us right now?  How many people have lost their dreams and goals because of what we may have said, even casually?  Makes me really curious but in a sense, I really don't want to know.

What can we do now?  I suggest going directly to anyone we can remember hurting and try to make amends.  I know it sounds tough, but maybe we can salvage a bad situation.  Secondly, we need to be really careful in what we say.  It's kind of like squeezing all the toothpaste out of the tube...you'll never get it back in.  Think about that the next time you're ready to unleash on someone. 

Now, where did I put my Benedryl cream?

When Was The Last Time You Challenged Yourself?

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel...

Johnny Cash

Two weeks ago, I taught a 5-day workshop entitled Making the Transition to Executive Leadership to a very senior group of managers.  It was one of the toughest things I've done in about the last two years.  The group was great to work with, but they challenged me on nearly every point I made.  Each morning, I woke up at 3AM to prep for the upcoming day.  At the end of each day, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. 

The good news was that I not only survived the week, but received outstanding critiques.  I really had to work hard for this one and it paid off. 

I do so many workshops that at times I am tempted to put it on autopilot and just coast in.  I never do though, my audiences deserve far more.  It's quite rare however that I put in so much prep time before each day.  That week I learned that challenging myself is a great thing to do.  My last two subsequent workshops have been really good - not only have the audiences been pleased, I've been pleased at my effort as well.  A good challenge brought out the best in me.

One of the greatest fights I ever watched was Buster Douglas's knockout victory over Mike Tyson in 1990.  Tyson took the 42-1 underdog Douglas too lightly and paid the price.  Tyson's prior string of easy victories caused him to disregard preparing for Douglas and was never the same after that fight.

When was the last time you really challenged yourself?

Are you at a place right not where what you do on a daily basis is so easy that you could do it in your sleep?  Does excellence come so natural to you that you don't work at it anymore?  If so, why not challenge yourself this week to do something totally different?  Shake things up a little.  Here are some suggestions:

• Take a different way in when you drive to work
• Take the bus or Metro for a change
• Talk to a stranger
• Begin a project that requires different skills than you normally use
• Place yourself on a new team
• Ask your boss for an assignment that will make you research and study
• Take on a new exercise routine

Mediocrity is the eventual result of a life without significant challenges.  Don't allow your rut to guide you into poor performance.  Don't be lulled into just existing.  Maybe like the lyric above, you need to hurt yourself to see if you still feel (figuratively of course!).  I know now that excellent performance needs to be worked at each and every day.  Let's commit to working toward that together this week!

Are Tattoos in Your Future?

I just read a great article on CNN entitled "Too Tattooed to Work?" which talked about the challenges you'll face if you have exposed tattoos on your body. 

Now I'm the last guy to criticize tattoos.  Those of you who know me also know I have several although they aren't exposed except if I have a tank top on or (God forbid) take my shirt off at the pool.  One of them is my Scottish crest.  The other is a skull that has my favorite saying "endeavor to persevere" inscribed around it.  That just happens to be the title of my newest book by the way.  Check it out HERE.

What I will tell you, if you have tattoos or will soon be getting one.  Think long term about how you'll be treated and viewed if you have them.  What if you have a company picnic or event in the summer?  Will you be comfortable having others, even your boss, see your artwork?

Just food for thought....